Thursday, December 17, 2009

Ever wonder

How did I get here? This is not where I thought I'd be. As a kid there were dreams of grandeur. President of the United States of America was mine. Having the milk lady at lunch call me Mr. President. Later on in junior highschool it was being a professional athlete. Man, dreams were lofty back then. In high school my dream shifted to becoming a pastor. Needless to say I never imagined I'd be here right now. A disabled guy at home with just his thoughts everyday. The reason I get up and keep pushing is because of dreams. Yes, I have a new dream for my life. The old adage says, 'when life gives you lemons make lemonade'. No matter what keep dreaming. When your dreams come true, nkeep on dreaming. My beautiful wife is the most recent one!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Next part

I'm reading over my past posts to see what I had to say back when. It's crazy reading of where I was and where I am now. Times when I was depressed, happy, thankful, in love (even more so now). Man, it's crazy & cool to see where I've been. I don't know where I'm going, but I'll be blogging on my way there. Just had to say looking back was cool and I'm looking forward to the next part of my journey.

Friday, December 04, 2009


Are you tired of hearing that name? I know I am. No matter the channel you have on the television these days you're hearing it. It started by hearing about his car accident outside of his house and soon after you started hearing reports of his infidelity. Everyone seems to have an opinion on this. Whether it's, "move on alreafy" or they have an opinion about his alleged infidelity. He's in the public eye so he's open for judgement. I guess that's an accurate statement. My opinion is, let's move on and let him and his wife handle this between the two of them. If you want to judge Tiger I want you to remember the words of a more famous man than Tiger. Jesus said "he who is without sin can throw the first stone". There's my two cents on a story that has taken over the news, gossip, and sports stations.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Giving thanks

This holiday season I have plenty to be thankful for. What I'm most thankful for at this time is my new family. They've been a part of my life for years, but I can officially call them family. I love that I've been accepted as a son. Not only did I gain a mother and father in-law, but a sister-in-law. I'm so blessed to have them in my life. Of course they wouldn't be family without my beautiful wife. So thanks for including me into your family!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


I'm not exactly sure what happened, but I've been motivated lately. For some time I have felt like a bum. I have not felt the push to be productive. Maybe it took me just making the decision to do something of value with my time. Maybe it'sthe fact that I'm a husband and I feel the need to be a better man for my wife. Maybe it's because I want to be more than just a pretty face in the crowd:-) That would be more difficult since I made the decision to let my beard grow until I get a certain project done. Maybe listening to Matt's album just reinforced my desire to do something great with my time. Whatever the reason I'm thankful for that kick the butt. I say let's all take our maybe's and do something great.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Matt's Music

Just a lazy Sunday afternoon. Last night we went to dinner downtown. Taking the train and getting a wheelchair accessible taxi has grown easier for us. This was our seconf excursion doing so this year. Having my electric wheelchair is even more freeing. I see us doing this even more next year. Well, being as it is just a lazy day I'm just onthe computer doing not much really. I am listening to Matt Mc Graw's album. His cousins took what Matt had done before he died and finished the project. Matt would be proud. When I listen to the music I want to be better. All my dreams I want to push harder to have them be realized. Matt, your speaking even a year after your death. Your music is speaking. I miss you brother!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Accepting & Acknowledging

Last night Emily worried a sorority of women educators. Her mpther has been a part of this group for quite some time. This morning as I was working out and Emily was getting ready for work she mentioned that one of the ladies from last night made mention of the fact that her husband also has multiple sclerosis and he goes to a support group. When she told me that she then asked if I would want to go to a support group? I quickly responded with a resounding "No!" As is usually the case I thought about what I said after the fact. Why was I so quick to say no? Talking with otherr people battling the same things I am might be a good thing. I asked her what she knew and if she would find out more. I told Emily why I responded so quickly with a 'no". Going to a groip would be accepting I have MS. I really thought I had, but really just acknowledged the phrase "I have MS". I guess I'm working my waythrough the stages of grief to acceptance still.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Rolling on

The wedding has been over for two weeks. It's a bittersweet time for me. I love being marriedto Emily, which is the sweet part. The bitter part is taking off my wedding planner hat. After wearing it for the past year plus I now have to put my focus and energy into a different arena. It's been tougher than I expected it would be to move on. Maybe I'll be inclined to blog more often.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


What a month! I finally feel like I can come back down to earth. Wedding planning has been my focus for the past year. With the wedding over it has been difficult to come back to reality. Emily tells me that with the wedding over it can only go down from here. Although she is partially joking I think there is some truth in her words. It was a great weekend, but I look for even a greater future. I've always believed that I have big things in my future. I will say this, having Emily as my wife to share life with makes me want to push even harder to have other great moments to share with her. Here's to our first 10 days, I love you Emily!!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Cookies For All Occasions

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Friday, September 18, 2009


I sit here thinking about the future and I am unsure about that. There are two things I am sure about. The first being that God was the same yesterday, is the same today, and will be the same tomorrow. The second thing I am sure about is Emily. No, I am not in the dog house and trying desperately to get out of it with some kind words. She has amazed me from day one. Not knowing what the future holds and voicing my concerna, she just replies, "it is what it is". She makes me feel better about things when she speaks her calming words. So Emily, knowing you are by my side to make me confident that our future will be bright. You make me sure in unsure times. I can not wait to declare my love and devotion to you in front of our family and friends.

Monday, August 31, 2009


Emily and I have a couple of highschool kids on our dloor, one she taught in class last year. They've come down last year under the guise of asking questions about homework she had given. Now they come down when no one is home to let them into their apartment. I think they just like coming down to talk. The other day the one guy made mention of a situation he's looking into. At the time he said it to us in passing. There was not an in to really talk to him about this. I had hoped to be able to listen and voice my thoughts on the situation. Sure enough on Frida they stopped over. Emily was gone at her summer pool job. So I had a great opportunity to open dialogue with him on the topic. We talked for maybe an hour. A lot of listening on my end. It felt good to be there for a young person. I really felt useful again.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Since Emily went back to work, so have I. It's like I found motivation somewhere. I've been working on a project I basically took the summer off from. Also, I've been dealing with some insurance issues that I'm hoping to have a resolution to soon. On top of that I'm tying up wedding plans. All the main stuff has been done for months. I'm starting to get excited about the wedding. Plammimg the day has been fun, but now I'm looking forward to enjoying what we put our time and money into. Just 45 days away!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Summer break is over

Emily is back at school full-time this week. I guess that puts an end to my little hiatus. Last year we had a few out of state trips and this year we had none. We're just waiting for the wedding this year. 52 days to go. I'm so blessed to be marrying Emily. I can't wait. Besides that I've decided to start an MS medication again. It's a shot 3 times a week. The drug is supposed to help slow the profression of the disease. Hopefully that's what it does. Well, that's where I am now. I had to start blogging again somewkere.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Football and marriage

Now that it's nearing the start of training camp for the Bears, I'm beginning to get into a football state of mind. I'm looking forward to the season kicking off September 13th. Emily is so great during this time of year. She knows that I live and die with the Bears. She supports my addiction by giving me the space and time I need to be fully engrossed in the game. She even wears Bears garb during the season. As I was locating at this schedule today my faith in us getting married was just reaffirmed once again. The weekend of our wedding is the bye week for the Bears. There are many things I love about Emily. This is just one more thing she unknowingly did that shows me we're perfect for each other. I can't wait. just 93 days to go!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


I'm sitting here ussing my voice activated typing program to type this post. That's not out of the ordinary as I've used this program for quite some time due to the limited use I have with my hands. I've gotten used to that. Not to lead you to believe I'm fine with that or that it doesn't frustrate me. Because it does, it frustrates the hell out of me! But for some time now I've been dealing with my failing eyesight. At times it's not horrible, but like right now everything's blurry and my face is just inches away from the monitor to read what I'm writing. I guess this post today is just letting my frustration out. So, today my symptoms suck. Oh well, that's enough of a pity party.

Thursday, June 11, 2009


Today I had a follow up appointment with my neurologist. I had my yearly MRI last week and got the results today. The images of my brain have not changed. In fact they have not changed in the past 3 years. Other than that it was just the usual. Checking my strength, sensation, vision. Everything was par for the course except my vision. That unfortunately has gotten worse. I have an appointment next month with my opthamologist and will see more about that. Otherwise a good uneventful day.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Something of value

I woke up today wishing I had something of value to say. It seems like lately I struggle for anything to put on my blog. When I got sick back in 2006, I felt like I had something to say. As I am speaking this into my Dragon Speak program the thought of this being a season of rest was just dropped into my spirit. I guess being blessed with as much free time as I have I feel like I should at least have some thing good to share. I guess that's just me being hard on myself. Well, I guess I needed to work this out. I'm sure one day I'll have something of value to share.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Tweet me

I don't know why, but I've given in to yet another internet craze. I'm on myspace, facebook, and now twitter. I guess I chalk it up to being home all day being on the computer for a lot of that. Twitter is kind of a neat way to follow someone and see what's happening up to date. Other than that I've got a number of doctors appointments coming up. This Wednesday I've got my yearly MRI. Next week I then follow up with my neurologist. Later today I'll be scheduling read more appointman's this summer.

No trips are planned this year. Last year we went to Indianapolis, then up to Minnesota, and finally down to Nashville. This year is just about gearing up for our wedding. Emily has a count down on her facebook page and it's down to 131 days. I remember what it was like 400 days. I can't wait, I'm such a lucky man. Alright, I'll be back to update soon. In the mean time follow me on twitter.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Feeling good

Waking up today I felt great! My body was relaxed and limber. Lately I've been feeling good more often than not. Emily has been working out three to five days a week and she has definitely motivated me. I've pushed myself to do the same. Not only working out, but eating way better too. We're not doing this for the wedding, but for our future. That's what I'm most proud of. We're not doing it for a one time event. Don't get me wrong it's going to be nice losing weight for the wedding too! :-) I just really had to jot this down after the best work out I've had in years. Also, feeling this good makes having MS bearable.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009


For the past couple of weeks I wheel to my desk and do what ever I need to for that day. It might be just reading stuff online, watch TV, take care of wedding stuff. I've been looking into an electric wheelchair. I'm not sure the money is worth it yet. I'm also getting scheduled for my yearly MRI brain scan. So I'll be doing that in the next month or two. The last major wedding plan we have to take care of is the cake. I know there's other things to be done, but no worries over here. As for today I'm just taking care of \a few wedding details and just relaxing. To steal words from a wise man: "that's all I've got to say about that".

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

My kind of town

Saturday Emily and I went to Chicago. We rolled down to the train station. The train had a wheelchair lift to get me on and an area to roll to and get locked down for the hour plus trip. Once down there we met up with Bob and called for a cab. It was a nice deal. I rolled up the ramp and got locked down for the ride to Millennium Park. It was Emilys first time and my second. Gotta love the bean! Then onto dinner across the street. Elk and rabbit sausage were the interesting parts to dinner. We finished things off with some delicious deserts. After dinner we rolled down the street to enjoy the weather and sights. To end things we missed the 9 o'clock train and ended up waiting for the 11 run. That was fine as Bob waited with us so we got to talk and laugh some more. I can't wait to go down again.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Wheelchair Traveling

This weekend will mark a first for me. It's my good friend and Best Man Bob's birthday. He lives downtown Chicago and this year I'm going to him. We always do dinner for our birthdays. The last number of years we've stayed closer to Joliet. And lately I've been months late, but this year it'll just be a couple of weeks. The" first" lies in the fact that we're not going to drive, instead take public transportation. We'll take the Mestra down and then a wheelchair accessible taxi to dinner. If all goes well this will hopefully be the first of many trips relying on alternate modes of transportation. I really want to fly next year. I'll check back in to let you know how the trip went.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


This past week, I heard about a lady that blogged while battling postpartum depression. It not only helped her, but others that would read her site. So I figure why not start doing that myself. If nothing else, it will help me to talk about the ups and downs I have with multiple sclerosis. I felt the urge to start today because of how I feel right now. In fact, the past few days have been the same. I feel so weak. So weak it's hard wheeling myself around. It's hard feeling this way. I wish things could be easier. Not only for myself, but for Emily. I push and push doing as much for myself that I can. When I feel this weak, I always wonder how I will be in a year, five years, even 10 years and beyond. As Emily always tells me, "Stop worrying about the future. Just take each day as it comes." So, I'm going to try to do that today!

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Good quote

The other day I heard a quote that is good for the times we are living in. "Look at what you have, not what you had.". There's nothing you can do about what you lost because of the economy. Just keep looking forward. It's true about anything you no longer have. Such as the ability to walk. If you keep looking back you're bound to miss the little joys on the journey that should be treasured and help you on your trip. So keep looking forward!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Yesterday I watched Montel Williams on the Oprah Winfrey show. Montel talked about his disease of MS, very candidly I must add. He talked about his acceptance and daily battles with thist moved me very much. I felt a kindred spirit with him. A lot of the challenges he faces or has faaced I've been there. I felt that watching his story was just what I needed. I've never fully embraced my diagnosis. So here I am today ready to make this declaration. I have multiple sclerosis. I just needed to saythat. I've done my due diligence in making sure that's what I have. So today I will no longer allow myself to not fully accept this and think there has to be something else.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Crazy times

If you live under a rock you're not aware of the crazy times we are living in. For the rest of us how bout it? Our economy is in disarray, people are losing jobs and their homes every day. If you are not in that sect, you may know someone that is. Perhaps you're afraid to end up there. No matter what, it's an interesting time we live in. This could swallow you up and throw you into deep disc pair. Hearing reports of this every day will make anyone sick to their stomach. Unsure if things will rebound or when they will? I wish I had the answer. But this I'm sure of you will never rise above where your mind is. I just keep thinking how lucky I am to be living at this time in history. Sure, I worry and am concerned. But I do not stay there. So I don't stay there I like to watch something funny, listen to good music, or talk to God. So today I want to encourage every one to rise above.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


I'm not sure why, but I'm sitting here thinking about my life. Maybe I had some bad Mexican food last night or maybe it's the worship music I am listening to. Either way it's a good thing to look inside one's self from time to time. Life has not been easy. Waking up each day unsure of how my body will feel and if I'll be motivated to work on things. I have many dreams and aspirations. I don't doubt that I will accomplish them. Just some days are tougher than the others. At the end of the day I'd have to say I love my life. The fact that I can still dream would be enough. Every day I wake up I have the love of a strong woman that lets me know even if I don't feel good that day that it's okay. So Emily thanks for loving me no matter what. I hope to make you feel even half as loved as you do to me every day. I started writing this without any notion it would end up here. I'd guess it's just a reminder of how blessed I truly am.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Pay to play

Blago has been out of work for a few weeks now. I was really enjoying the whirlwind of activity leading up to his house from Illinois politics. On the morning news there he was again. This time the talk was about 2him going to throw some Illinois politicians under the bus. Also, he wouldn't rule out a tell all book. What I loved most was that our hometown minor-league baseball team the Joliet Jackhammers offered him a contract. The standard contract pays $800 a month. Hey, in this economy he should jump at the chance. Of course the last time he went the pay to play route it backfired. Maybe he should play for free!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Last night

Last night President Obama preempted one of my favorite shows, "How I Met Your Mother". So I was kind of bummed about that. But I watched to hear what he had to say. First off it was nice having a president "talking" to every one and not just having a dead stare sounding like a robot with no personality. He adressed the economy as every other time we've seen him lately. After his address he opened it up for questions. There were questions about the bailout plan, the war, and one question that I thought was a joke. What were the presidents thoughts about A-Rod admitting to steroid use? Are you kidding me? I think we have bigger things to worry about than that. I mean really, it's not a shocking admission anyway. But I will say this, the question made me laugh. So thanks to that journalist for breaking things up a little bit.

What a slacker

I have not blogged since the middle of the last month. I guess I just kind of got in a rut. When you're home all day every day you don't have that much to say. Here's what's been going on. Being as our wedding is eight months a way I've taken care of a few things. We found a trolley service that is wheelchair accessible. So last week I got in touch with them and sign the contract. So now we have transportation to and from our wedding. Also, an appointment with a local bakery has been scheduled so we can get our cake. And I think I figured out what to get my groomsmen. Emily already ordered one of her items for the girls.

I've had a couple of doctor appointments over the last few weeks. My sister Kim took me to both. They were just general follow-ups. My neurologist wants me to get an MRI this summer. I think we're just going to get a brain MRI once a year. Just to keep an eye on things and make sure there are no changes. That's fine by me. My ID doctor, Dr. A was the second appointment. Every time I see him it's kind of like catching up with an uncle. Nothing really to report there.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Change is here

Today our nation will inaugurate a new president. Everywhere you turn there is excitment. There are many reasons for this excitement. Change is the biggest reason. Barack has risen above many liness. Be it racial, party, economic, age. More than half the nation that voted rallied behind him to elevate him to the highest office in America. Whether you voted for him or not he is our president. I, just like every American is waiting to see what he will accomplish. It would be naïve to think things will change over night. So let's give him some time and see what happens. Good luck and Godspeed President Obama.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Yoda's right

With the new year comes renewed optimism. Every year resolutions are made and usually broken within days. Why do we do this to ourselves? We even talk about our previous years resolutions that we never obtained. Yet we continuously let ourselves muddle in this futile activity. This year I say we heed the words from a wise old soul, Yoda. "Do or do not, there is no try." I think resolutions put an undue stress on us. So to start this new year I'm taking Yoda's advice and getting rid of the silly stress.